A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend.  She will never stand him up and never let him down.  She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.  She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.  She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.  She will make sure he always feels as thought he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible....
No wait....SORRY.  I was thinking of whiskey.  It's whiskey that does all that shit.  Never mind....

Sex Movie

A chap's wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. The viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.

Anniversary

A guy says, "For our Twentieth , I'm taking my wife to Australia." His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth ?" The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."