Couple's Separate Beds

A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."

Cowboys Rating Women

Two cowboys lean against the rail at their favorite bar and rate women as they go by. A beautiful brunette passes. The first cowboy says, "I'll give her a 3." The other cowboy nods. Next, a hot redhead walks by. The second cowboy looks her up and down and says to the first cowboy, "Well, I think that one must be a 4." The first cowboy nods. Finally, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde approaches. The cowboys straighten up and tip their hats back a little for a better look. The first cowboy smiles real wide and says, "Damn! That one has GOT to be a 6." The second cowboy nods. Overhearing this, the woman turns around sharply and looks the first cowboy in the eye, "I'll have you know, I've been rated far higher than that by far better men than YOU." And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you don't understand -- we use a different kind a rating system. We use the equestrian method." Taken aback, she asks, "What the hell is the equestrian method?" The first cowboy smiles and says slowly, "Well ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."

Same Response

My wife often complains to me when she's drunk. Last night she complained when she was sober.
Non alcoholic whine.