The Geography of Men And Women

The Geography of a Woman;

• Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
• Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
• Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
• Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
• Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatroled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
• Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).
• After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

• Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

Asian Request

I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night.
She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'

Head Rest

My girlfriend's breasts always look better once I've had alcohol
I call it the wine rack