My Girl's Birthday

Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the Jewelry Store. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and vhen I asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her birthday, Lena said, 'Oh, I dun know, dear, yust give me something with vots of diamonds.' "So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of cards."

Well, How Do I Look?

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question

1. "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."
2. "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."
3. "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."
4. "Ssshhh, the games on right now... go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"
5. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."
6. "Like the girl I was with yesterday."
7. "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."
8. "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."
9. "How can I put this... MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" 

Difference Between A Girlfriend And Wife

Q: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.