Q: What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?
A: I've already got a lot of problems, and I don't need any of your drama.
Name That Tune
A man faced with death will have his life spared if he can explain the song being visually represented by a flock of naked women.
The man is led to an empty concert hall where 8 naked women are being led in.
They were placed so that the first one was facing him, the second with her back to him, the third facing him, the fourth with her back to him, the fifth facing him, and the last three with their backs to him.
"Guess that song!" his oppressor demanded.
"Ah, that one's easy!," he exclaimed, triumphantly. "It's William Tell Overture... titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump."
What's that sound?
A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commemorative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."
What is a country song played backwards?
Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your car starts, you get your job back and life is great.
Guitar and Tuna
Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.