Hmmm...Ponderings

• What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
• Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.
• "Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
• Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
• Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
• If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
• Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
• Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
• Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
• How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
• All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
• Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
• Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
• Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
• Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddy seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

City Boy Visits Farm

A young boy from the city was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said "I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!" He then continues and says "it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly." The uncle says with a confused look " Um son we don't have a cow...We have a bull!"

Momma Bear

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.  Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.  He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!  "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?  Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.  He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?," he roars!  Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"  "It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish." "And, now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma Bear' with your presence,listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one time..."I haven't made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!!"