Last Ditch Effort

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm." "Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Costume Party

A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."

Southern Anniversary Presents

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says, "When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady says, "When my second child was born, my husband took me on a cruise." The second lady says, ''Well isn't that nice." The first lady continues, "When my third child was born, my husband took me on a trip around the world." And the second lady says, once again, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady asks, "Well, what did your husband get you when your first child was born?" The second lady replies, "My husband sent me to finish school." The first lady asks, "Well why did he do that?" And the second lady says, "So I could learn to say 'Well isn't that nice', instead of 'FUCK YOU!"