Sleeping in Church

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep. The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior?  Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!! Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!! and goes back to sleep. The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells: IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!!

English vs Ebonics

English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are cruising at flight level three five zero.   Feel free to move about the cabin.  Also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight.  We'll be arriving at our destination in 20 minutes and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of your flight.
Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five -o, if you be flexin, get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be killin' the man's opression.  If you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose blood, them bitches be cruizin' on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop trippin' and sit your ass back down.  We be in the hood in no time afterall, I be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!

Shy Light

Q: What did one traffic light say to the other?
A: Don't look at me while I'm changing!