Three Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery

Q: Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A: 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Welfare

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have an adjoining room. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Young Wife

A 70 year old rich guy goes to the bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife! The bartender asked him, "Why did she marry you?" The old rich guy replied, "I lied about my age!"
Bartender: " You said 45?"
Old rich guy: "No! I said 90!"