K9 Passing

My girlfriend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Original Horse Joke

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

How to Wash a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.  CAUTION:  Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a Power "Wash" and "Rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
   Sincerely,
   THE DOG