Eating with Children

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.  All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.  The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him.
He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.  He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"

Performance Evaluations

Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations:

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
• "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
• "I would not allow this employee to breed."
• "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
• "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
• "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

Reasons to Stay at Work All Night

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing!