Man and the Gorilla

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better - and he vowed revenge. The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on. Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

Canine Complex

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!" "A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch." "Oh no, Doctor," the man said nervously, "I'm not allowed up on the furniture."

Dumb Montana Laws

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Dumb Montana Laws:

1. Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
2. (Repealed) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
3. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
4. It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
5. It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
6. Excelsior Springs - Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
7. Helena - No item may be thrown across a street.
8. Salisbury - Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
9. Whitehall - It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.