Unique job Interviews

     Job Interview Quotations
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

1. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
2. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
3. Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
4. Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
5. Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
6. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
7. Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
8. Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
9. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
10. Candidate brought large dog to interview.
11. Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
12. Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

1. "What is it that you people do at this company?"
2. "What is the company motto?"
3. "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
4. "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
5. "Why do you want references?"
6. "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
7. "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
8. "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
9. "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
10. "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
11. "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
12. "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
13. "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
14. "Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the interview process.

1. I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.
2. At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.
3. I feel uneasy indoors.
4. Sometimes I feel like smashing things.
5. Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.
6. I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.
7. I get excited very easily.
8. I am fascinated by fire.
9. I like tall women.
10. People are always watching me.
11. If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.
12. I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.
13. I never get hungry.
14. I know who is responsible for most of my troubles.
15. If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.
16. I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.
17. I think I'm going to throw-up.

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:

1. Is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
2. Contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
3. May cause severe burns.
4. Contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
5. Accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
6. May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
7. Has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS! Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

• As an industrial solvent and coolant
• In nuclear power plants
• In the production of styrofoam
• As a fire retardant
• In many forms of cruel animal research
• In the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
• As an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED! The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use. IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Act NOW to prevent further contamination!

Business One - Liners & Laws

Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop.
Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. - Columnist Russell Baker
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
Barker's Proof: Proofreading is more effective after publication.
Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. - Jules Becker & Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as government, "...once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and idiosyncrasies than look for a new employee.")
Belle's Constant: The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is about 0.6. - from a 1977 JIR article of the same title by Daniel McIvor and Olsen Belle, in which it is observed that knowledge of this constant is most useful in planning long-range projects. It is based on such things as an analysis of an eight hour workday in which only 4.8 hours are actually spent working (or 0.6 of the time available), with the rest being spent on coffee breaks, bathroom visits, resting, walking, fiddling around, and trying to determine what to do next.
Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2) Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
Berkeley's Laws: (1) The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be. (2) Ignorance is no excuse. (3) Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman. (4) Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems have a single answer. (5) Most general statements are false, including this one. (6) An exception - test a rule; it never proves it. (7) The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it; it probably isn't right. (8) If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made. (9) Check the answer you have worked out once more - before you tell anybody. - Edmund C. Berkeley