A Real Bastard

A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. "What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?" "It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!" "That's awful indeed!", the lady replied angrily, "Your father is a real bastard!' "Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that I could do it."

Kidneys for Brains

The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14?".  "No," the teacher said. The second kid said "3.8"?  "Not quite", the teacher said. Finally the third kid said "That's easy, 4".  "Yes, you all get recess now". On the playground, the kids asked how he knew the answer and he said, "It's all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head.

Missing Baby

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.  One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.  The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"  Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"