Mary the Pirate

Once when Mary was young her school had a Halloween party for them.  Mary decided to go as a pirate.  After she donned her costume, she went into the family room to show her family.  They were impressed.  Mom said,  "You look terrific, Mary!  You have your sabre and your parrot on your shoulder and look!  You even have a neat sack to carry your booty.  But where are your buccaneers?"  Mary replied, "My buccaneers are under my buccan hat!"

Launched on the 4th of July

Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.

Thanksgiving Dishes

A priest was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father." "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the turkey dinner anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"