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Holiday Jokes
Governor's Halloween Party
One Halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse". As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived. Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe. "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department the doorman asked "How shall I announce you?" The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation" "I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering." "O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"
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Top 10 Signs of a Bad Christmas Tree.
Top 10 signs you bought a bad Christmas tree:
10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"
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Go Brandon
Instead of kissing someone on New Year's Eve, how about we just all collectively scream.
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