What Girls Really Mean

Can't we just be friends? (There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine.)
I just need some space. (... without you in it.)
Do I look fat in this dress? (We haven't had a fight in a while.)

I don't know, what do you want to do? (I can't believe you have nothing planned.)
I like you, but... (I don't like you.)

Of course I love you. (... just not in that way.)

You never listen. (You never listen.)
We're moving too quickly. (I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.)
Oh, no, I'll pay for myself. (There's no way I'm letting you think this is a date.)

Oh yes! Right there! (Well, near there, I just want to get this over with.)

I'm just going out with the girls. (We're gonna get drunk and make fun of you and your friends.)

Pros And Cons of A Threesome

Pros and cons of a threesome
Advantages

• It can get really weird
• Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
• There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
• Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
• You get to watch your best friends making love
•  You get to get watched making love
• Simultaneously enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
• You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
• You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
• Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
• You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it
• Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left
• Three-person showers are fantastic
• Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
• Three-person kisses are best

• It can get really weird
• Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
• Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
• You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom; the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
• Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
• You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like
• Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
• Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks
• Morning breath multiplied by 3
• You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or want
• You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect or want
• You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships
• The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
• Sorting clothes quickly when the significant other walks in assumes comical proportions
• Now there are two wet spots to avoid.

The New Motorcycle

A man buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it protects it while also making it nice and shiny. Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at their house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes. So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything, and he fucks her right at the table and nobody says anything. He looks over at her mom and kisses her too. Nobody says anything, so he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket. At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the damn dishes.''