Government Is There

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American: "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

Paddy the Drunkard

Paddy was an incurable drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse." This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"

Japanese

Q: Why are the Japanese so smart?
A: They don’t have any blondes.