Magic Slide

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotchman and Paddy Irishman come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. Paddy Englishman goes first and yells, "Gold!" and lands in gold. Paddy Scotsman goes next and screams, "Silver!" so he lands in silver. Paddy Irishman looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out, "OH SH*T!"

Polack Meets Priest

A Polack saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?" The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!" The Polack scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!" Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!" To which the Polack replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

Professor of Dirty Jokes

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?" With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. "Wait, ladies," cried the professor, "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"