Little Leprechaun

Little Patrick asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.
When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.
When he got back to class his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent home and his mom asked him "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
So again little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
And little Patrick opened his hands and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!"

What's On Your Back?

A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

Throwing Away Garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there. Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?" "I have to throw this away," replied the tourist. "You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered. The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want." The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers." Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist. "No. This is the American Embassy."