No Walmart

Q: Why aren't there any Walmart's in Afghanistan?
A: Because there are too many Targets.

Little Leprechaun

Little Patrick asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.
When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.
When he got back to class his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent home and his mom asked him "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
So again little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
And little Patrick opened his hands and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!"

Ponderings Collection 34

• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
• Do fish get cramps after eating?