Salon Gossip

Three women sit in a hair salon talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."

Playing Both Sides

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"

Top Things You Should Not Say At A Funeral

• Geez, what died in here?
• She looks natural but those shoes do not go with that dress.
• Nice service... where's the keg?
• When did he die... really... hey Bob, you won the pool!!!
• Hey, we're with the Publisher Clearing House Prize Patrol and we're looking for... oh, never mind.
• Don't look now Fred but you and the deceased have the exact same suit on.
• You know they touched that body up cause that shark has one of them legs.
• Not to cause panic or anything but something is leaking out of that casket.