Performing Singers

Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

If At First You Don't Succeed

• If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a stupid fool.
• If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.
• If at first you don't succeed, transform your data-set.
• If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
• If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.
• If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
• If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.
• If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
• If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.

Constipation

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table. "The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."