Things You Should Not Say To A Judge

1. "I got your community service right here pal!"
2. "Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on."
3. "You couldn't carry Wapner's gavel you moron!"
4. "You're not as easy to buy as others said you were."
5. "No you robe wearing geek."
6. "I don't suppose there's a "You get me off, I get you off" type of deal out there?"
7. "Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?"

Waiter

Being a waiter isn't a very glamorous job.
But at least it puts food on the table.

Main Vice President

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"