Easy Specimens

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home. At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.The wife looks aghast and then realization spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features.
"That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

Hanging From the Ceiling

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician

Drunk English Time Telling

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting in a puddle. "Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman. "No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice. "Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?" The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!" "Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?" "Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it. "Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle." "What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman. " OK, then you will not learn my secret." So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me." "Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?" "Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman. "Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."