Knock Knock - Ollie

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ollie!
Ollie who?
Ollie time you say that, I wish you would cut it out!

A Purple Heart

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he answers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door.
"Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"

Amish Emergency Brake

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady. "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop. Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob. "He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady. "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob. "I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...