Airport Left

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

Jonestown

Q: Why aren't there more jokes about Jonestown?
A: The punch lines were too long.

Cards at the Colonel's

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."