Get Me An Ambulance

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. "Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!"
"Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!"

Dyslexia Agony

After Daylight Saving Time ended, I stopped to visit my dyslexic friend.  He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"

Lesbian Depression

There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.