When Its Cold Outside

Q: How do you know when it is cold outside?
A: When your dog's dick is frozen to the fire hydrant.

Cold Bikers

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon. "Man! commented one... it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!" The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. "Well, he said at last... you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way." "Great idea!" commented the other. "stop and let me switch." The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards. "There! he said when he had completed the switch. I feel better already." The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out "Is anybody hurt?" One guy from the crowd replied  "Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing alright until we fixed his head."

Harvey

Q: What did the weather satellite say to mission control?
A: Houston, you have a problem.