Three Eskimos in Alaska
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said, "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad," said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said, "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three huge thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT". He won.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.
Yo Mama - Farted
Yo momma so fat, she sat in the gulf of Mexico and farted, she caused a 4,000 mile Tsunami that hit India.
Two Canadian Seasons
In Canada, there are two Seasons... six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
Southerners are urged not to travel unless absolutely necessary.
Northerners: You will need your big coat.