Irma Time

Q: What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Miami?
A: About 24 hours.

Pirate Interview

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

When It Gets Hot

A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are planning to walk in the desert. The Dutchman says: "I'll bring an umbrella for the shade when it gets too hot." The German says: "I'll bring some sunglasses. This sun can really destroy your eyes!" The Belgian remains silent. Next day:  the Dutchman and the German are astonished. "What's that?" they both shout. The Belgian answers: "It's a car door. Now I can open the window when it gets hot..."