Signs and Notices 17

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
• An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
• Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
• On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"
• A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
• Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."

Wisconsin Defined and Laws

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wisconsin: Eat Cheese or Die or Come Cut Our Cheese
Wisconsin: Land of funny accents.
Dumb Wisconsin Laws: 

• You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
• Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
• Citizens may not murder their enemies.
• Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.
• As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
• At one time, margarine was illegal.
• State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
• While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.
• It is illegal to kiss on a train.
• It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.
• Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday.
• Kenosha - No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.
• La Crosse - It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).
• It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window.
• It is illegal to play checkers in public.
• You cannot "worry a squirrel."
• Milwaukee - An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car.
• It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention.
• If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day.
• It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns.
• Racine - It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
• Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man.
• St. Croix - Women are not allowed to wear anything red in public. 

George Washington's Surprise

A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it." As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I now have the plans!"