Scratching

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" Asked the interviewer. "Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

The Yuppette Executive

The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level managers. "Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."

Paradox of Woman

• If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
• If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
• If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
• If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
• If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
• If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
• If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
• If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
• If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
• If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
• If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
• If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
• If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
• If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.