Never Argue with a Woman

A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, thinking it was obvious.
"You're in a restricted fishing area" he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I am reading" she replies.
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up'' the warden says.
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault" says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you!" exclaims the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

Diamonds, Batteries, Men

Most women know that, next to diamonds and D size batteries, a gay man is a woman's best friend.

Teen Girls

Q: Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three?
A: Because they literally can't even.