Man Torture

Q: What's the best way to torture a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Perfect Day

HER PERFECT DAY:

• 8:45 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
• 9:00 - 5 pounds lighter on the scale
• 9:30 - Light breakfast
• 11:00 - Sunbathe
• 12:30 - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
• 1:45 - Shopping
• 2:30 - Run into husband's ex - notice she's gained 30lbs.
• 3:00 - Facial, massage, nap
• 7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
• 10:00 - Make love
• 11:30 - Pillow talk in his big strong arms

• 10:00 - Wake up
• 10:02 - SEX
• 10:10 - Big Breakfast
• 11:30 - Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
• 2:15 - Enormous lunch with BEER
• 3:15 - SEX
• 3:25 - Play sports with the guys
• 4:30 - Drink BEER with the guys
• 6:30 - Meet Claudia Schiffer
• 6:40 - SEX
• 6:50 - Huge dinner, more BEER
• 8:00 - Fall asleep with BEER watching TV while dreaming of having SEX with Claudia Schiffer
• 11:00 - Full on, get down, gorilla SEX, more BEER
• 11:10 - Sleep
• 2:30 - Fart

Blonde Mother-to-Be

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.