At The Beach

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

God's Creation

Q: What is the best thing God ever created?
A: The vagina.
Q What was the worst thing God ever did?
A Put women in charge of them.

Red Phone

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope. The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?" The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute." A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister. The visitor asked "How much is a call?" The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute." The astonished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute." The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."