Abstinence

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
 

Morris' Confusion

Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring.  He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to "The Great Nullity" ,"The Blessed Emptiness", and "The Big Zero in the Sky". Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and whispered, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

Liberal Episcopalians

Q: Hey... Did you here about the new Episcopal Church that just opened up?
A: They are so liberal that they have 6 commandments and 4 suggestions.