Ant-Elope

Q: Why did the ant-elope?
A: Nobody gnu!

Promised Treasures

My Uncle Ned, all alone, met a girl named Peggy. They fell in love, he promised her that he would give her diamonds, furs, and beautiful dresses. One day as they were walked down 5th Avenue in New York, they came upon a jewelry store under construction. Peggy looked at my Uncle Ned and said, "You promised me jewels." Uncle Ned proceeded to pick up a fallen brick. He threw it through the window, pulled out and gave her a diamond necklace. As they strolled own 5th Avenue, they came upon a fur shop. Peggy looked at Uncle Ned and said, "You promised me furs." Uncle Ned picked up another brick, threw it through the window, pulled out a mink and gave it to Peggy. Strolling down 5th Avenue again, they came upon a fashion store with beautiful dresses. Peggy said, "You promised me beautiful clothes." Uncle Ned replied, "What do you think I am made of bricks?"

Maybe Later

A young couple bring their new baby home and the wife suggests that her husband try his hand at changing a diaper. “I’m busy,” he says. “I’ll do the next one.” Next time the baby’s diaper needs changing she asks him again. The husband says, “I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby.”