Upmanship

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life. Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!

A Good Man?

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

Dream Flying Planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob would ask and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."  The years went by and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show explaining, it's free to  watch, let's at least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become even stronger. Sue and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard.  Listening to their problem, he said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you bark one sound, you pay ten dollars.  So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.  Heading off the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back to the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"  "Well, I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."