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Relationship Jokes
Final Curtain
At his annual checkup, a man is told that he has contracted a deadly disease and has only twelve hours to live. His only consolation is that it’s not contagious. When he gets home, he tells his wife the awful news. She is devastated and says, “Honey, let’s make love tonight. It will be the night of your life.” They make love with a passion, and it’s amazing, and they kiss and go to sleep. A little while later he wakes her up and says, “How about we do it again?” They make love again, and it’s even better and more bittersweet. They are exhausted. Sensing the end approaching, the husband asks, “Hey, how about just one more time?” “That’s easy for you to say,” the wife says. “You don’t have to get up in the morning.”
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Reward for Faithfulness
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth, I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you."
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."
The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four bedroom house and a BMW."
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation."
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!"
The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
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Marrying Young
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied, "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."
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