Cold in Boston

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Massachusetts.  He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.  The temperature is -32 and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. The wind chill is -59.  His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He told me that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in!

Large Vision

My girlfriend told me my penis was huge. I'd have appreciated the compliment if she hadn't been looking through a magnifying glass at the time.

Busted

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.
She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.