AOC in Hell

After ruining NY by driving away 25,000 great paying jobs, AOC was booted out of Congress. Depressed and suicidal, she jumps off a bridge, dies and went to hell. When she got there, she saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, but there was no one in front of the Capitalist Hell.  So the AOC asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"  "They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied.  "And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"  "The same exact thing," the guard answered. "Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"  "Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"

Looking for Work

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work". 
The German doctor says: "that's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work". 
The Russian doctor says: "gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work". 
The United States doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, half the country is looking for work!"

Got Balls?

Bill O'Reilly calls President Obama and asks him what he’d like most for the holidays. “I couldn't possibly accept gifts in my position,” said Obama. The TV host insists and said he could ask for anything, no matter how big or small. “Well,” said Obama, “If you insist I suppose I could accept a dozen Titleist Pro V1's. My game is off and lately I seem to be loosing my balls."  A month later the President is watching TV when the O'Reilly says, “A while back we asked a number of world leaders what they’d like most for the holidays. Francois Hollande said he’d like universal peace. Angela Merkel said she would like prosperity for the world’s poor. And President Obama said he needed balls.