Old Age Jokes

A Final Diagnosis

Thought I'd let my doctor check me, 'cause I didn't feel quite right. All those aches and pains annoyed me, and I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder, but he wouldn't let it rest. What, with Medicare and Blue Cross, we would do a couple tests.
To the hospital he sent me, though I didn't feel that bad. He arranged for them to give me every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped, my aging frame displayed. Stripped, on an ice cold table, while my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites, for fungus and the crud, while they pierced me with long needles, taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over, probed and pushed and poked around. And to make sure I was living, they then wired me for sound.
They have finally concluded. Their results have filled a page. What I have will someday kill me; My affliction is old age.

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Anonymous

Early Warning

Q: How can you tell when you're getting old?
A: You start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

Categories: Old Age Jokes , Riddles
Submitted BY: RichK

Grandma Time

When I was a little boy I felt bad that my Grandmother lived alone and had no one to spend her time with.  One day when I was visiting her I asked, "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend?" to which she replied, "Well I don't need one honey, because the TV is my boyfriend.  You see, she continued, when I want company he's there for me, or when I need to laugh, or learn about the world, I have him, and when I just want to hear his voice as I fall asleep, he's there for me then too, its all I need. The TV is the best boyfriend I could ask for."  Suddenly the TV went static and I saw the look of concern on her face, she got up from her bed and started banging on the side of it, in effort to get the picture to come back. Just then the doorbell rang, it was her parish priest coming to check on her. He asked me "Is your Grandmother available son?" I said to him, "You'll have to give her a minute, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend"

Anonymous
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