Old Feller in for a Checkup

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.
"holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"
"did I say I was 64?"
"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"
"damn straight you did! I'm 85!"
"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"You mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"
"my Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"no! You can't mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"
"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!"
"did I say he wanted to get married?..."

The Worm Hole!

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. "The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. "The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars ... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?" The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"

Sex Drive is Too High

A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a check-up. The doctor finishes the check-up says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any problems?" "Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded. "My sex drive is too high and I need it lowered." This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84 years old, and you're in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who would kill for a problem like that. So, why are you complaining?" "Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and when I go for a walk, I see all these cute honeys all around, so that's why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered. "Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you wouldn't complain about a high sex drive." "Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered from here," pointing to his head, "to here," pointing to between his legs.