Old Men

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face." The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers." The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

The Witch

Two old guys, 80 years old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores. The woman said, "They're old, what are they gonna know?" So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls. After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, "How was your whore?" #2 said, "She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?" Old guy #1 goes, "She was a witch." #2 responds, "What do you mean a witch?" #1 says, "I bit her tit and she flew out the window!"

Old Feller in for a Checkup

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.
"holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"
"did I say I was 64?"
"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"
"damn straight you did! I'm 85!"
"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"You mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"
"my Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"no! You can't mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"
"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!"
"did I say he wanted to get married?..."