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Old Age Jokes - Old Age Sex Jokes
Who's Your Daddy
Dan and Joe, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Joe didn't show up. Dan didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Joe hadn't shown up for a week or so, Dan really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Dan didn't know where Joe lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Dan figured he had seen the last of Joe, but one day, Dan approached the park and-- lo and behold! -- there sat Joe! Dan was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Joe, what in the world happened to you?" Joe replied, "I've been in jail." "Jail!, cried Dan. What in the world for?"
"Well", Joe said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?" "Yeah, said Dan, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty."
"The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
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Old Chatter
You know you're getting old when you tell someone you woke up with a stiffy and they think your wife died in her sleep.
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Irish Viagra
An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."
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