They Used To Be...

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," said the patient with remorse

Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose-plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand; the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

Yo Mama - Christmas

Yo mama so old her first Christmas was the first Christmas.