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Old Age Jokes
Never Forget
There are three things a man over 40 should never forget:
Never pass up the opportunity to take a leak.
Never trust a fart.
Never take a hard-on for granted.
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Live To Be 100
This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100." She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100." Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus, died, and went up to heaven. She said to God, "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?" God said, "I didn't recognize you".
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The Missing Toupee!
On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!" The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!" This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me, sir, can I help you?" The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it. I thought I'd found it twice, but they were both parted in the middle...and mine's parted on the side!"
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