Grandma's Strudel

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.
Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks, "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel."
"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."
"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries.
"I'm very sorry, grandfather, she says you can't have any, it's for the funeral!"

Infrequently

Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sexual intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sex infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"

High Wind

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"