Old Jobs

Someone asked a retiree, "Do you have a job?" He replied, "I am my wife's sexual adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said, "What do you mean by that?" "Very simple," he said, "My wife told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask for it."

Expensive Hearing Aid

A man is telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really?" answers the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "12:30."

Parrot Punk

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing. He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"