Advice From Kids

1. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
2. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
3. "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
4. "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
5. "Never bug a pregnant mom." - Nicholas, age 11
6. "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
7. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." - Heather, age 16
8. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." - Michael, age 14
9. "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." - Joel, age 12
10. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." - Alyesha, age 13
11. "Never try to baptize a cat." - Laura, age 13
12. "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
13. "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
14. "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
15. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
16. "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
17. "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
18. "Stay away from prunes." - Randy, age 9
19. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
20. "Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
21. "Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 1
22. "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12

Excuse Notes to Teachers

*** These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.

• My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
• Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
• Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
• Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Baby's Motto

Q: What's a baby's motto?
A: If at first you don't succeed - cry, cry again!