Kissing Grandma

Q: What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
A: When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

All in the Family

A worried father telephones his doctor who is a close family friend and tells him that his teenage son has come down with a venereal disease. “He thinks he caught it from the maid,” says the father. “Don’t worry too much,” says the doctor. “These things happen.” “I know,” says the father. “But I’ve been sleeping with the maid too. And now I seem to have the same symptoms.” “That’s unfortunate,” says the doctor. “But try not to get distressed.” “That’s not all,” says the man. “I think I’ve passed it to my wife.” “Christ Almighty!” shouts the doctor. “That means we all have it!”

Grandma

Girls find it creepy that I have sex in the same bed my grandma died in.
I mean, I'll move her once I've saved enough for a funeral.