Get out of Bed

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school. She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast. "No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!" "You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds. "No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky." "You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns. "Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks. The mother is about to lose her patience. "Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"

You Might Be A Redneck If - Continued

You might be a redneck if...

• You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
• You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
• Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
• You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-B-Q'.
• You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
• Your mother is hairier than your father.
• Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
• You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.
• Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.

Redneck Marriage Vows

You know you're a redneck when you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter.