Change the Course of Thanksgiving

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
5. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

Father Worries

Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?  Daughter: Yes, it was late.  Daddy.  Did the noise disturb you?  Father:  No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise.  It was the silence.

Tooth Fairy

After losing another tooth, young Timmy became more curious about the mysterious tooth fairy. Finally putting two and two together, he came right out and asked, "Mom, are you the tooth fairy?" Deciding he was old enough to hear the truth, she replied, "Yes Timmy, I am." Timmy seemed to take this news quite well. As he headed for the door though, he slowly turned back toward his mother with a curious look on his face and said, "Wait a minute mom... how do you get into the other kids' houses?"