Internet Time

Q: Dad, is it true that spending time on the internet makes you dumber?"
A: "omg son lol"

The Wall Clock and the Mother-in-Law

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today!  It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."  The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow!"

Childbirth Papers

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."