The Wall Clock and the Mother-in-Law

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today!  It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."  The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow!"

Childbirth Papers

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

The Phone Conversation with Mother

A man answers the phone, and starts "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard."  "Well, you know how she is."  "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her! You were perfectly right."  "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room, "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"